Those first weeks, I spent the time wishing away the hours. Longing for the days when she'd sleep longer, when I'd sleep longer... But somewhere along the way I found myself going from wishing time would speed up to praying that it would slow down.
I love watching Sabrina grow up. It is an honor and a privilege to be her mommy. I love the new things that come with each passing day. Her first smiles thrilled me, her laughter gives my life meaning that I never knew before. But with each new milestone, each new phase, each new "month" picture that we take, I can't help but feel a twinge of sadness.
At 8 months, she is becoming such a toddler. She crawls at lightning speeds, she can feed herself snacks, she has strong opinions of her own, likes and dislikes, favorites and not so favorites. No longer is she the baby that wanted us to hold her all day and night, who hated tummy time, who would sleep on mommy's chest when she'd sleep nowhere else. And honestly, I am deeply saddened as well as overwhelmingly overjoyed. It is the weirdest blend of feelings, one I cannot really describe.
I anticipate carrying this melancholy joy with me for the rest of my life. Her first steps, her first birthday, her first day of school, her first sleepover... The milestones and firsts will come quicker and quicker. I will put on a brave face and smile a big smile for my baby girl, but if you notice me leaving the room shortly thereafter, know that I am probably locked in the bathroom, crying tears of melancholy joy, for my baby is not a baby anymore.