Thursday, April 6, 2017

The House That Built Me

We were taking a walk after dinner the other night and talking about our move and new house. We told Sabrina how we'd be saying goodbye to our house now and moving to our new house to make memories there. Without hesitation she responded "but I'm gonna miss our house" and it literally knocked the wind out of me. Such simple words from my sweet, innocent girl. And I knew with all my heart that I too would miss our house, which is truly the house that built me. 

It's been four and a half years since I moved into this house. Chris proposed to me in this house. Sabrina came home to this house. Our family grew and formed and changed and thrived in this house. We painted walls and bought furniture and planted flowers. We had parties and cook outs. We lived and we loved here. 

There were tough times too. Learning to be a stepparent, learning to be a new mother. Struggling with postpartum depression, struggling with breastfeeding, struggling with a difficult infant who didn't sleep.  Struggling to find my new identity as a mother, as a wife, as an individual. Struggling to "do it all". 

This new chapter we are embarking on is exciting, but it is also very sad in many ways. I haven't fully come to terms with saying goodbye to our life here. I can't deal with the thought of Sabrina leaving her school for the last time. The thought of Sabrina saying goodbye to her grandparents and cousins and aunt and uncles is almost traumatic for me to think about.  I am comforted to know that we will still see family.  They will come to visit us in our new house and we will come back to visit too. We can stop and say hello to Sabrina's friends at school from time to time when we are in town. But this house, the house that built me. The adult me, the me that is a wife and a mother. When the moving truck pulls away, that will be goodbye forever.  And just like Sabrina, I too will miss "our house".