|This look says it all.|
I try to be a positive, upbeat person. It does NOT come naturally to me. I tend to see the glass half empty by nature. But, I know that's a crappy way to live, and I want better for Sabrina, so I take a deep breath and try to see the silver lining when something bad happens, or at least focus on other, happier things in life. I have a wonderful life, so there should be no shortage of things to make me happy. It's my own brand of learned optimism, and most days I am successful at this way of thought.
Today, however, there is none of that. It is Monday, it is my first day back from vacation, my sweet Sabrina has an ear infection, I am still not feeling well (today's annoying ailment of the day is a headache that has me all kinds of wobbly and dizzy), there are a few things in my personal life that are frustrating me (but I won't use this blog to air my dirty laundry)... To paraphrase the popular children's book, today is my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
This is Sabrina's first real sickness, other than a stuffy nose and slight cough during the winter, mostly due to the dry heat of being inside all day. This illness started last Wednesday as a low grade fever (while at my parents house on vacation) and has continued with her coughing, her nose running, and now a lack of appetite. To most people, those symptoms aren't anything to lose any sleep over. But I am a mom, and a first time mom at that, so obviously alarms have been going off in my head since I found out she had a fever. Being in Pittsburgh didn't help matters, since we had to wait til today to get her to her pediatrician. So today starts the amoxicillin which I hope to God tastes better than it did when I was a kid. (pessimist alarm- I'm sure it doesn't)
Vacation was WONDERFUL... Pittsburgh has my heart and always will, and I don't get to spend nearly enough time there. It was nice to not have a lot planned, to be able to spend time with my parents and brother and aunts and uncles, catching lunch here or dinner there. Best of all, Chris and I got to do COUPLE THINGS again! We got to eat several meals out (I got to eat food, when it was hot, prepared by someone else!), just us, and even went to Steelers Training Camp and to a Pirate Game. I forgot what that felt like. We try to spend every second away from work with Sabrina, and she's just not at an age yet where it's easy to go "out" with her. We try but most of the time we end up eating cold food and entertaining a grumpy half infant half toddler with empty water bottles, straws, and anything else that will keep her attention (of course the army of toys that we bring with us simply won't do). But as they say, all good things must come to an end, and that end was a screeching halt of a 6 hour car ride with a sick, grumpy baby (and mommy), followed by getting home only to have to grocery shop, unpack, make dinner, and collapse into bed feeling so woozy that the room was spinning. Pessimist Christine made her return yesterday and has been back with a vengeance.
As moms (and dads!), I feel like we are pressured to always put on a happy face. To grin and bear it, whatever unpleasantness has invaded our lives that day. But today, the pessimistic me is winning, and I have decided that I'm okay with that. It's okay to have a bad day, or a bad few days, every once on awhile. Life is short, so hopefully my bizarro optimistic self will return soon. But for now, I'm going to give in to the blahs, eat some chocolate, maybe binge on carbs for dinner tonight, watch mindless TV (hello Seinfeld!), and go to bed early. Hopefully I'll be my better half when I wake up tomorrow. She's in there somewhere...