But I'm Mommy...

The look of a mother's love...

I am one of the lucky ones. My little one is able to go to her Nana and Poppop's everyday instead of having to go to daycare. As a bonus, my hubby and I basically live in their backyard, so picking up and dropping off is very simple and convenient. To add icing to that cake, we work about 5 minutes from our house, so we are able to go home almost everyday at lunch to see her. 

Today I had a very short lunch, as I was coming from one meeting and on my way to the next. But I figured I'd still go see Sabrina, even if it was only for 20 minutes. We snuggled and were playing, and next thing I know, she was sitting at her Nana's feet, reaching for her. I then stooped to a new low by trying to bribe her with her bink to come back over to me. She giggled and sat at her Nana's feet. I distracted her again with a couple toys, and as the time was nearing for me to leave, she again crawled to her Nana and wanted to be held. I tried to pretend I didn't care, tried to act like it didn't bother me. I went back to work with a heavy heart. I know she spends all day with her Nana and I love that she loves her, but I'm mommy...  Why didn't she want me?

In her (my) defense, she was tired and ready for a nap. Nana usually puts her down for her naps. So it was totally logical for her to want Nana.  Right?  So why did I feel so rejected, so sad?

I tried to take a step back from my emotion, from my sadness, to look at it objectively. And then I realized that, even though it is perfectly normal for me to feel sad, I should also be happy and proud of my baby girl. I am a woman who is proud of her independence, and at the same time proud to have wonderful people in my life who I can depend on, who I can trust. Isn't that exactly what my Sabrina was doing when she wanted her Nana?  She knows that I am her mommy, of that I am sure. But she feels comfortable enough in her own (9 month old) skin and environment to trust others, to give and get love from those around her. To use a cheesy phrase, she doesn't put all her eggs in one basket. 

The emotional rollercoaster of being a mother is something that I struggle to deal with. I am doing my best to cope with the emotions, but I find myself reacting not only to my own emotions but to those of other mothers. Today my Facebook News Feed was full of first day of school pictures, many of the kids off to their first day of Preschool or Kindergarten. I have to admit, I had tears well up in my eyes several times seeing those special moments captured, knowing how happy yet sad all of those mothers (and fathers) must be feeling.  While reading fellow blogger and my blogging inspiration Kate Baer recount her son's first day of preschool, I myself imagined being in Kate's shoes, a few short years from now.  Time goes so fast now that I'm a mom, so I know that the first day of school will come far sooner than I am ready for.

As mothers, we are ecstatic at the milestones and achievements of our children.  We celebrate first teeth and first steps and first everything else.  Every birthday, every first day of school, every holiday, we smile and take pictures and document all of the memories.  But behind those smiles, I know that with each step forward that our little ones take, that our hearts not only rejoice but are filled with nostalgia and a bit of sadness too.  Because we know that time moves at warp speed and these moments are so fleeting.  

So in my own way, I am standing in solidarity with Kate and all those other moms whose babies achieved a new milestone today, whether it be walking or talking or going to their first day of school.  I experienced my own version of what I called joyful melancholy in a previous post, the happiness and sadness that washes over us at the same instant.  It gives me great solace to know that I am not alone, and that many other mothers in the blogosphere are feeling those same things.

Cheers to another first, and moms, you're going to be okay. We're going to be okay.

To read Kate's blog, go to http://www.kbaer.com.  You won't be sorry.

Normal? What is normal?

Photo from healthyfitjourney.com  

Yesterday I found myself reading developmental FAQ's on one of my favorite websites, babycenter.com.  I get weekly updates every Monday based on Sabrina's age and what typical milestones are for babies at this age.  The posts always end with this same phrase: "Remember, your baby is an individual".

As mothers, we LOVE to talk about our babies.  Their milestones, their tantrums, the adorable things they do on a regular basis.  But how often do we unintentionally affect another mother who may be listening or reading?  Who may be thinking to herself that her baby hasn't quite reached that milestone yet?  That starts us down the road that all mothers inevitably walk at some point (for me, daily!) in our child's life: Is my child "normal"?

The word normal used to be harmless.  Never really gave much thought to it.  In this day and age of being politically correct (and rightfully so, I'm not arguing against that!), we have to examine words like "normal" and "typical" and the effects they have on those around us.

So far, Sabrina has been a pretty "normal" baby.  We've had our shares of issues- jaundice, latching issues, slow weight gain (hah! makes me laugh now), acid reflux- but no issues outside what many parents of newborns and infants face.  We've had our share of issues with the S word- SLEEP- and read tirelessly to try to find the perfect solution to this "normal" problem.  

The thing about normal is, especially to someone experiencing something for the first time, how do they know what is normal if they've never experienced it themselves?  And what if my baby's reflux symptoms are not the same as someone else's baby's symptoms?  It is a slippery slope, to classify something as "normal" and potentially put it out of one's mind.  Every parent asks themself, what if it isn't normal?  What if my child has autism, or what if they have issues with their gross motor skills?  My child isn't really talking much- is that normal?  What should I do?

The only true advice I have to offer comes from my favorite TV show and favorite character, one Leroy Jethro Gibbs of NCIS.  TRUST YOUR GUT.  I was talking to a dear friend of mine for a bit today, whose son was born 1 week to the day after Sabrina.  We were chatting via text, she congratulating me on my promotion, me saying that I was jealous of her, who quit her full time job in favor of a 2 day a week part time job.  I mentioned Sabrina crawling everywhere and tiring me out, to which my friend replied that her little one isn't crawling yet.  And you know what?  That's 100% normal.  Just like it's normal that her little one has had teeth for months now, whereas my Sabrina doesn't have one pearly white to show for the massive amounts of drool pouring from her mouth.  And that's normal too, although I joke that I may end up needing to get her dentures eventually.  We mothers (and fathers) have a natural instinct when it comes to our children.  We shouldn't compare our kids to each other, or let other kids' milestones take away from our own little one's milestones.  Each child, even within the same family, is an individual.  It's okay for them to do things on their own timetable, when they are ready.  But if your gut is telling you that something might need some attention, or that maybe something doesn't seem quite right, by all means trust that feeling and do something about it.  Early intervention can make a big difference if something does need the attention of a professional.  And if everything turns out to be "normal", you aren't any worse for the wear and have that peace of mind.

Normal is whatever you want it to be.  I have friends who have children with autism, and their normal is a heck of a lot different than my normal.  Everyone's version of normal is different and fits into their own life.  In that way, we're all normal and abnormal at the same time.  Let's love our children for who they are, and worry far less about what is or is not normal.